Why is it all so CONFUSING?
by LadyLarkson
Summary: The scene where Jackson tells Melissa how he feels about her. With usual interpretation and continuation. Might be my last using this type of writing style.


**One Breath Away- (Jackson finally tells her.)**

Melissa had finally calmed down. She took a deep breath and tried to wipe the tears that stained her face, but when she did she found her cheeks to be dry. She looked at her hands, and saw no sign of moisture. She didn't cry? Normally, she would've been bawling by now, but no, she wasn't. "_Save your tears for something more important," _she heard herself say.

"So what if Taylor got the guy? I should be used to this by now," she heard one side say.

"But, this is JACKSON, he's not like the other guys!" exclaimed the other side.

"Yes he is, he likes Taylor, and that's the only similarity that matters," the other side replied calmly.

"You don't know that for sure!" yelled the other side.

"If he didn't he wouldn't have just walked away."

"Maybe he knew whatever he would say, it would just come back and slap him in the face!" retorted the other side. Melissa was sitting on a fallen log along the trail of the water route. She was still braiding the same piece of rope. She didn't get far either. She then heard steps coming closer. Jackson. She stopped when she heard the jugs hit the floor. "Crap," she thought.

He has been practicing the conversation in his mind all day. He wanted to patch things up with Melissa because if he didn't, he knew he would lose the only thing that kept his sanity. He would start off by apologizing, then she'd question him about him and Taylor, which he'd flat out deny, and then she'd ask if he was lying, then he would convince her that they were just friends, and things would go back to normal. Even though, he planned everything out, he was still nervous when he got to her. He inhaled a deep breath and scratched his forehead as he stood over her. This was going to be one of the most hardest and dangerous (if it doesn't go according to plan) conversations of his entire life.

"I'm not mad at you," she said as she felt his tension. She could feel his grief. No, scratch that: his _pity._ He pitied the poor, innocent, naïve girl that thought she had even a slight chance with the tough, troubled bad boy. She didn't want his pity. Maybe before she's relish it, but now, she just wanted to tell him that she understood. Everything that happened here, him saying he'd call her, their talks, them getting closer, was all just things that happened. When they got back home, they'd all go back to their original lives. He'd forget he said liked her; he'd forget _her._

"Yeah, well, you should be," he said as he stuffed his pockets with his hands. He was trekking on thin ice, and he knew it. "What I said before wasn't exactly…um…fair," he said as he searched for the right word. It wasn't fair for him to tell her to wait until an unknown time period for him to ask her out. He knew he was building her hopes up with that statement when he'd say he'd call her, but he said it anyways. Why? Maybe it was because he was trying to convince himself, more than make her feel better. It was to keep his hopes up that they'd eventually leave this place, and get back home.

"But, I get it," she replied, totally ignoring his apology, "This isn't real life, nothing that happens between any of us here." She took a breath remembering him finally opening up to her in the rain. "Is real." she said, full of regret. She could feel her heart slowly sink, lower and lower as he crouched down in front of her. The roles were switched. This time, Melissa was the one that didn't want to talk. She didn't even want to try, because she was scared that whatever he was going to say, would damage her heart even further.

"See…"he said, cutting in. He didn't want to listen to her rant, that everything that happened didn't mean anything. When she said _real, _he knew she meant that everything didn't matter. But, it did, so much more than she would realize. "It is," he thought that he should at least seem like he agreed with her, "for now."

She looked at his concerned face. Since he was really trying, she decided it was only fair that she would too. "But we're all doing things we'd never do at home! I mean, would you even look twice at Taylor if you weren't stuck on a beautiful…," she felt regret as she added Taylor into the conversation, but this IS what he came to talk about right? "…tropical…island with her?" More regret rushed in. What if he said yes? It would tear her to shreds! All she could do now is wait.

Taylor WAS pretty. "Well…" he muttered as he looked to the floor and tried to smile to hide the truth. He couldn't lie and say he never looked at her once at Hartwell. I mean, it was hard not to notice the blonde strutting and laughing (loudly) in the courtyard. If he said yes, she'd be devastated. If he said no, he'd be lying and that was one thing Jackson wouldn't do. Lie. He had enough people lie to him before, and he never ever wanted to become like those people.

"Don't answer that." she replied as she saw his reaction. He DID like her. He ALWAYS liked her. Why didn't she ever convince herself that she had that slight bit of chance? She didn't want to hear anything else he had to say because none of it would change what she just found out. She closed her eyes. "He's probably going to say something to drag me away from what he just did right about now," she thought.

He sighed,"Mel…" Jackson was in an awkward position right now. He never planned the conversation to get this awkward so fast. He had to get back control. So, he decided he had to tell her a little portion of what was going through his mind. He knew she was hurting right now, if it wasn't because of what he said before, it'd be because of how he just reacted to her question. He looked at his fingernails, looked at her and confessed, " I don't know what's going on, between Taylor and me" He never lost eye contact with her, even though she was doing everything in her power to avoid eye contact with him.

"Stop, ok?" She didn't need to hear this. She didn't need to hear him rant about how nothing is going on, because she knew that was all lies. She needed to get away, and this was the only time she could. She pushed herself off the log, turned heel, and started to walk away. "You don't owe me an explanation." She got it. He likes Taylor, not her, and whatever happens between them is their business. She just had to butt herself into their business and make the entire situation horrible. "Just because I have feelings for you, doesn't mean you have to feel the same way."

She was leaving! This was NOT according to plan. He knew if he let her go, she'd be out of his life forever. He had to think fast, no, there was no time to think. Why? Because his stupid mouth blurted out the thought that has been in his mind ever since the day they first met. "But, I do." he said as he finally caught up to her and stood in front of her. He gave her a face that said "See?"

Her deep brown eyes practically popped out of her head. Did he just say what I thought I heard him say? "YES! He did!" she screamed in her head. But, is he just leading her on again? She should trust him? She needed to know all these details before she could finally make a decision. "I take it back," her eyes boring into his intense blue eyes, "I don't get it."

He looked at her amazed face. He was holding back a smile. Was it really that surprising? How could she have not known? How could anyone have not known how he felt about her? He thought it was pretty obvious. "Yeah you do," he retorted. "You know, we're all just scared and looking for a little…" his brain opened up to find just the right word to describe what Melissa was like to him, "I don't know…security." That was it. The exact word that showed exactly what Melissa meant to him. For the first time in his entire life, he felt safe. Amazingly he found that safety net on the shores of a deserted island.

"So," she said, trying to grasp what he was saying, "I give you…security?" While she was tying to understand everything he was saying, she was also mentally recording this scene to replay over and over again. Hey, it WAS a once in a lifetime thing right?

He looked at her and nodded his head back and forth. He was a little speechless, he finally said it, and the smile finally broke through. This wasn't exactly how he planned, but he liked how it was going so far. Unfortunaly, there was nagging voice in the back of his head, telling him NOT to do what he so desperately wanted to do. He wanted to kiss her, really bad. "Damn, these teenage hormones," he cursed to himself in his mind. A 1000 ton weight was lifted off his body because she finally knew. "You're my best friend here, Mel," he smiled an award-winning smile, "And your Nathan's friend too," he said. _Uh oh_. He lost control, now everything in his mind was spilling out. He hasn't been this happy so long, that when such an emotion came, he just spoke everything in his mind, no matter how much it would hurt. "And he's into Daley, and Daley's annoyed by Taylor. And she looks after Lex, and there's a hundred other relationships good and bad," What was supposed to be compliment, totally came full circle back around. He was back to being serious, back to the "no relationships" policy he clung so desperately onto. "But things change so fast," he said as he snapped his fingers, "That it doesn't matter beyond the minute that it happens." He was referring to of course; the occasion Melissa saw when Taylor and him sit side by side.

It was amazing how fast her heart's emotions felt. It came from pure joy to piercing pain. A smile crept up her face as she heard him talk about how she was his best friend. Was she really? Then it began to return into a confusing spiral. What was he saying?!? What did he mean?!?! "So then, what does matter?" she asked, calmly.

He looked at her, with desperate eyes. Hoping and praying she wouldn't be shattered because of what was about to come out of his mouth. He didn't want to say, but he had to. The following statement wasn't only going to hurt Melissa; it was going to hurt him too. Rejection. "Finding a way to…" he looked at her and prayed to God it wouldn't hurt her as bad as it was hurting him, "…get back home. And back to reality."

This time, she fully understood what he was saying. She was so caught up in the stupid who-likes-who drama, that she nearly forgot where she was. She was on a DESERTED ISLAND. They crashed here a couple weeks ago and are now alone. Four of the survivors left, and nobody knew where they were except for one of them who came back. And she was hurt badly. She nodded her head as she felt some sort of duty to just push all this aside and do her part to try and get back home. She nodded her head. "You're right, Jackson." she said, "It doesn't matter who-likes-who because…we're stuck here on a deserted island and all the stupid drama should be pushed aside until we're back home."

A wave of relief overcame Jackson. She wasn't hurt. She understood. He looked for any sign of sadness or pain, but he saw nothing. All he was a look in her eyes like a soldier before battle. She knew what she had to do. She flashed him one of her signature genuine smiles and he returned it with his. Then she walked back over to where he put the jugs and for a second he was worried she really was hurt. "Melissa…" he was about to say but she spoke before the word could come out of his mouth.

"I'll help you carry these back to camp…" she offered. It was already pretty awkward enough, and she was kind of in a good mood because of what he said, so she decided to make it up to him. She did ignore him all day today and yesterday and caused an emotional roller coaster so, helping him would be just a small gesture of how sorry she was. She grabbed a jug and walked side by side with him back to camp. Even though she SWORE that she wouldn't cause such drama anymore, she couldn't help but have this unceasing urge inside her. "He said he liked me!" she screamed in her head. She WAS going to start acting more mature, but face it: she couldn't be mature with what he just said. "HE LIKES ME!" she screamed, "Breath Mel, BREATH!" She took a deep breath and tired to be as quiet as she could, so Jackson wouldn't notice her excitement.

Jackson looked at Melissa from the corner of his eye. She was taking deep, long, slow breaths and he couldn't help but crack a smile. Did he really make her that nervous? "Listen, I know you're supposed to be mature and stuff, but come on, don't lie and tell me you don't think that's…"commented his conscience.

"Yeah," he agreed, before he could hear his conscience say the last word.

"Jackson?" she asked. She had finally made a decision. He turned to her with a concerned expression. "Umm….you did say nothing matters beyond the minute that it happens right?" she asked. She could feel all her nerves inside shake. "I can't believe I'm going to do this…" she thought, "What if it turns awkward after I…plant one on him? Damn, I've never been this nervous, except for that one time in choir…"

He was confused. Was she thinking that what he said back there didn't matter? He answered, cautiously. "Yeah…"

"Oh...," there was a long pause as she debated on what to do, "ok." Then it was silent once more. "COME ON MELISSA! JUST DO IT!" yelled BOTH sides.

"But, no! I can't! No more drama, remember?" she replied, "No, I'm not going to do it. I SWORE!"

"What was that about?" he asked in his head. Jackson looked at Melissa who was just facing the ground. This was getting too awkward for him, so he spoke. "You know, I think you'd be good at fishing…" he complimented.

"Actually, I've fished before…" she replied, avoiding eye contact.

"Really? How come you never told me that when I was about to stab my foot in the ocean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because I enjoy seeing you suffer…" she said, as a large grin was placed on her face.

"Well," he said, taking it in. Did Melissa just use….sarcasm?!? "I thought it'd be best if you took care of it," she answered.

"Well, a little help would've been much appreciated," he retorted.

"I think Taylor's hints already helped you enough," she said, a bit cold. It flashed back to her.

_She was about to walk over to the campfire when she saw Taylor inside the tent. She knew she shouldn't have spied on her, but Taylor WAS supposed to be checking the batteries. She peered inside the small tent and saw Taylor pull out a piece of paper from Melissa's notebook. She was about to run in and yell at her for going through her backpack, but decided against it when she saw what Taylor was writing. It only took the first word to fully grab her attention. "Jackson" Taylor wrote on the label of the plastic tub. Then Taylor began to write on the notebook paper, "Lose the spear. – A Friend." Melissa smiled at herself at the scene. Taylor was HELPING him. A nagging voice in the back of her heard told her she was taking Jackson away, but it wasn't like Melissa had in the first place. So, she just shrugged it off and walked back to the fire._

Jackson was surprised. Damn, how much does Melissa know? "I…saw her writing the first note…"added Melissa, still walking.

"Oh, well it did help," he replied, trying to brighten the mood.

"I know. You FINALLY caught fish," she teased with a laugh. He smiled. He didn't want to have anymore awkward conversations with Melissa either. "Mental note to self: Don't mention Taylor," he thought, "and somehow find out how much Melissa knows…" The second part was just a sort of curiosity, more than real mental note. He was curious on how much Melissa saw, maybe that'd explain some stuff.

They walked back to camp with the two jugs, and dropped it off. After a while, everyone started to pour back in. Melissa sat down in one of the plane's seats and Jackson moved to a standing position under the shade of the shelter they were in the process of finishing. She smiled to him in only a friendly way of course, and he returned it with a small smile and a nod. Abby was on the platform and sharpening a stick, like Jackson was in the beginning. "So, I take it she read Hatchet too…" he thought to himself as he watched her.

"Poor Abby, she's so….rugged, now," empathized Melissa to her former close friend in her head. Then, Lex came in with news and his views of the chicken.

A/N: And the rest…well you can watch that in the episode of One Breath Away. ;)


End file.
